Ernest Hemingway’s Home, Key West, Florida, USA:
At the corner of Whitehead and Olivia street on the Island of Key West is the former home of American writer and walking phallus Ernest Hemingway and his second wife Pauline. Hemingway lived in the house from 1931 to 1939 and wrote the bulk of his masculine tomes there including, A Farewell to Arms. The house was built originally for a wealthy marine salvager named Asa Tift. The construction is rumored to be so good, that to this day the limestone foundation keeps the basement dry, making it the only thing that remained dry after Hemingway stumbled through the door with rum on his breath in 1931. I assume that it was during this alcoholic binge that Hemingway must have stared out into the ocean and thought: "Perhaps I should regale my adoring public with a mundane tract about life at sea. That will teach all those young boys expecting tales of adventure. And once they buy this salty rag I can use the profits for more booze and maybe a pool!"
While the house boasts the first swimming pool ever built in Key West, dated to 1938, and a urinal turned fountain from the original location of Sloppy Joe’s Bar and Restaurant (A Key West staple worth visiting), the real important water works are in the house. Hemmingway’s home featured the first indoor plumbing on Key West and a rain cistern that feed into the bathroom upstairs. Unfortunately the plumbing was not advanced enough to keep down all the bullshit found there today. While the house has been a historic landmark since 1968 all of the furniture was replaced after the Hemingway’s moved to Cuba in 1939. The famous six and seven toed cats who prowl the yard, and who were sold up until 1972 as “Hemmingway’s Cats”, never belonged to Hemmingway who kept peacocks at his Key West residence. The luscious landscaping was also a late addition and many of the stories told by the guides have been referred to as fabrications by Hemingway’s son Patrick and third wife Mary.
While the house boasts the first swimming pool ever built in Key West, dated to 1938, and a urinal turned fountain from the original location of Sloppy Joe’s Bar and Restaurant (A Key West staple worth visiting), the real important water works are in the house. Hemmingway’s home featured the first indoor plumbing on Key West and a rain cistern that feed into the bathroom upstairs. Unfortunately the plumbing was not advanced enough to keep down all the bullshit found there today. While the house has been a historic landmark since 1968 all of the furniture was replaced after the Hemingway’s moved to Cuba in 1939. The famous six and seven toed cats who prowl the yard, and who were sold up until 1972 as “Hemmingway’s Cats”, never belonged to Hemmingway who kept peacocks at his Key West residence. The luscious landscaping was also a late addition and many of the stories told by the guides have been referred to as fabrications by Hemingway’s son Patrick and third wife Mary.
While the furniture, cats, many of the tour guides stories, and most of Hemingway’s literary acclaim are phony nonsense, the house is stunning and unlike Erny's residence in Idaho doesn’t come with all the poor mental health baggage, and brain and skull fragment stain. It’s a romantic place to stop in the early afternoon with your girlfriend before walking down Whitehead Street, settling in at a nice table on the water to watch the sunset, stare lovingly into her eyes and talk her into that abortion.
Verdict: The Hemingway Home is open 365 days a year from 9 am to 5 pm but you would think that for the price of 12 dollars a ticket you might get to take a swim in the pool or at least get to eat one of the stray cats.
Dan Roberts,
September, 2010
Dan Roberts,
September, 2010
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